What We Need to Heal

I used to be a gardener.

Before I found myself in the people work game, I held a number of positions where planting, propagating, maintaining, pruning and at times removing plants was my vocation of choice. I can’t say I really enjoyed it or was necessarily good at it, but it was outdoors, physical and relatively low stress. I had some interesting experiences, one was that of being a groundsman at Prix D’Amour, the now demolished manse owned by the deceased iron ore magnate, Lang Hancock. At the time of my employ, the sprawling abode was the home of Rose Porteous, her husband Willy and four horrible little poodles that used to nip your ankles at any given chance. It was a learning journey and an introduction to the world of the rich and somewhat famous.

Much of what I learned as a gardener has long been forgotten, or was never really learned in the first place. However, as I look back there are unmistakable parallels between the world of plants and the world of counselling and therapeutic practice- the world I find myself in now. The reality of it is that people and plants are living things, and living things need certain ingredients to thrive or even survive. The obvious reality of biology in both of these areas isn’t rocket science, however sometimes we miss the genius in the simplicity. Plants need stuff to thrive and survive, people need stuff to thrive and survive.

If I was to describe in a nutshell what I do as a counsellor and psychotherapist, it would be this:

“I endeavour to nurture environments for people that are conducive to psychological health.”

Human beings require certain conditions to heal, grow, flourish and change. Just as we have the need for food, water, shelter etc, we also have psychosocial needs. For a lot of people, many of these needs are adequately met in the world of family, relationships, work, recreation and lifestyle. However, this is not always the case. Just as plants can be damaged by storms, malnutrition, drought and human interference, so human beings can be damaged by crises, lack of supports, unmet legitimate psychosocial needs and wait for it… human interference.

So what do we need? What does a good counsellor help to provide? What kind of environments are conducive to psychological health? In the words of Clinical Professor Dan Siegel, this comes down to four things:

1.        Being Safe

2.        Being Seen

3.        Being Soothed

4.        Being Secure

Siegel applies this to the context of what caregivers need to give children; however, these needs are universal, regardless of age. When these needs are met, a person can heal. Modalities of counselling (ie CBT, EMDR, Schema, etc) are important but they are secondary. Decades of research informs us that the most important element of counselling is the relationship between the counsellor and the client. Skills such as unconditional genuine care, empathy, confidentiality, collaboration, authenticity and challenging are primary. For a person to heal, they need to be safe, seen, soothed and secure. A good counsellor can nurture this kind relationship.

Nick Gwynn

Director

Breathe Counselling