Do you ever feel?
- Resentful/ angry
- Frustrated/ unsatisfied
- Guilty (even when you haven’t done anything wrong)
- Manipulated or controlled by others
- Envious of others achievements
Do you ever think?
- People are always taking advantage of me
- The boss (or work) is always expecting too much from me
- I don’t know where I fit in life/ I lack direction
- Will I ever get free from this habit?
- Experience regular bouts of tiredness/ burn out
- Complain regularly
- Blame others
Maybe You are Lacking Definition
Whilst all of us think, feel or experience many of the above things to some degree at different times in our lives, these are typical symptoms of being what I call UNDEFINED. Being UNDEFINED is where the boundaries that define you and what you are responsible for and what you aren’t responsible for are blurred or non-existent. A lack of clarity in regards to personal DEFINITION will lead to negative thoughts, feelings and actions. I believe this is one of the main problems in the area of personal and corporate management and the root issue behind much conflict. When we lack DEFINITION, life is typified by confusion and haphazardness. It is difficult to plan, set goals and be proactive. In a nutshell we can feel as though our lives are out of control. If we cannot DEFINE ourselves and what we are responsible for how can we manage it?
Management, at its core is about taking responsibility for something. It’s about accepting a sense of ownership for something. When you know what that ‘thing’ is, management is much easier. Being DEFINED is about knowing what you are responsible for (and what you aren’t) and then managing it. This may sound simple, but there is more to it than you may think. Some responsibilities are easy to identify and quite tangible (i.e. it is my responsibility to look after my car) but others aren’t. It is imperative that you learn to define yourself and your responsibilities. This ultimately leads to a sense of occupation, a healthy sense of self- control and subsequently a stronger sense of purpose and motivation in life. When this happens life is much clearer and managing is far more effective and satisfying. This is called being DEFINED.
Some foundational ways to increase this sense of definition in your life I would suggest that you be intentional about connection in relationships and intentional about freedom. Learn to vulnerable with safe people and develop your ‘no’ muscle (learn to say NO when you need to).
Some characteristics of a well DEFINED person are:
- Clarity of purpose
- Aware of talents and gifting’s in your life
- You are utilising your talents and gifting’s (at least to some degree)
- You know your responsibilities
- You know what isn’t your responsibility
- You feel in control of your life (self-control)
- You are proactive
- You take initiative
- You have self-respect
- You exercise authority
- You manage well
- You can say ‘No’ without being overwhelmed by feelings of guilt or fear
- You can set appropriate limits and boundaries
Nick offers clinical supervision and counselling in the Perth CBD, Rockingham and Online. He is an exceptionally skilled and compassionate counsellor and psychotherapist with over 20 years’ professional experience. He is also an active member of the Australian Counselling Association. Nick has a substantial background in both private practice and the community health and education sectors. He specialises in supporting young people, individual adults, couples and families. Nick particularly enjoys relationship and marriage counselling, assisting couples overcome relationship barriers to gain greater intimacy.