Emotional Calm

John Gottman talks about three ingredients to a healthy, happy relationship. These are:

Emotional Calm

We build trust primarily through turning towards our partner’s and building consistent and safe connection through authenticity, empathy, kindness and validation. Trust seems to be something that we feel, it is about attunement. Commitment on the other hand is something we do, it is fundamentally about choices.

The third ingredient that Gottman talks about is the necessity of Emotional Calm.

Basically, a good chunk of our relationship time needs to be conflict free, stress free and emotionally calm, if we are to build intimacy and healthy- happy connection. Whilst conflict can be used for good in a relationship (it can bring the truth out), we need a ratio of 5 positive interactions for very 1 negative interaction. Equally, whilst some stress is necessary for optimal living (see below diagram), we need to keep an eye on it.

Here are some tips to regulate stress and nurture Emotional Calm in your relationship

If you can practice cultivating emotional calm in your own life and in your relationships, you’ll be healthier and happier.