Emotional Calm

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John Gottman talks about three ingredients to a healthy, happy relationship. These are:

Trust
Commitment
Emotional Calm

We build trust primarily through turning towards our partner’s and building consistent and safe connection through authenticity, empathy, kindness and validation. Trust seems to be something that we feel, it is about attunement. Commitment on the other hand is something we do, it is fundamentally about choices.

The third ingredient that Gottman talks about is the necessity of Emotional Calm.

Basically, a good chunk of our relationship time needs to be conflict free, stress free and emotionally calm, if we are to build intimacy and healthy- happy connection. Whilst conflict can be used for good in a relationship (it can bring the truth out), we need a ratio of 5 positive interactions for very 1 negative interaction. Equally, whilst some stress is necessary for optimal living (see below diagram), we need to keep an eye on it.

Here are some tips to regulate stress and nurture Emotional Calm in your relationship

If you can practice cultivating emotional calm in your own life and in your relationships, you’ll be healthier and happier.

Nick Gwynn

Nick is an exceptionally skilled and compassionate counsellor and psychotherapist with over 20 years’ professional experience. He is also an active member of the Australian Counselling Association. Nick has a substantial background in both private practice and the community health and education sectors. He specialises in supporting young people, individual adults, couples and families. Nick particularly enjoys relationship and marriage counselling, assisting couples overcome relationship barriers to gain greater intimacy.

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